Five things that must be addressed before US England is played. Or else they cannot play the game. Seriously, the game will not be played if I don’t get these answers. You may not believe me, but I have contacts over in South Africa. I got a response once from US Soccer’s twitter. I can do these things, I’m big like that. Answers people, for the sake of the world so this game can be played. Bring them to me and at relatively dangerous speeds.

How does Peter Crouch’s game translate……………..so well with the ladies?

A picture is worth 1000 words but needs one big explanation

The dude is straight killing it. I understand he is famous and a very talented soccer player, but he is playing way out of his league. Seriously, forget the field, tell me how your goofy lookin ass is chilling with this super fly lady. I mean, we know it isn’t your dance moves. I’m a fan of the robot, but I have never met a female that was down for that one. I’m just in shock. Now plenty of other ballers have fly ladies, but none of them are 6′11 173 pounds soaking wet wearing three jackets and a pair of parachute pants. I mean, just look at that picture to the right. Does the song “One of these things is not like the other?” pop into your mind, because it sure does in mine. Now I have always found ladies that play or support soccer to be quite cute but Crouchie your girl is taking it to a whole new level. So I need to know. What is the magic behind the goofy looking man? I’m all for dudes playing out of their league, trust me. Been there, done that and I hope to return again. However Crouchie isn’t playing out of his league, he’s a non league team walking away with the Champions League title. Someone please give me some insight, because I like dreaming big. Apparently so does the soon to be Mrs. Crouch. When this guy starts giving lessons, count me in for the head of the class. Well played sir, well played.