Our first World Cup pool mock draw has officially been completed, and two letters reign true. D is for Death, and F is for effing France. I'll give you a look deep inside of Constantly Offside's brain trust here. Our draft used the finest RNG that google search listed first, and a foolproof method known as "Chamo, reassign the teams". Enjoy our banter and analysis below.

 

I decided not to post our banter, because it looked ugly, was unedited, and took up a lot of space, so instead here is the jist: when US got drawn against the Netherlands Biggy went ballistic and is now convince the US are doomed to draw a similarly terrible opponent to crush his soul.

Quick Note: We had France as a seeded team when we did this, obviously this has changed, so the results are a little skewed from what is possible tomorrow morning.

 

Biggy: Ah, let's get dirty right away. This group has absolutely no weak spots and enough power to hurt a man. Unfortunately for the English this group has the most talented team from CONCACAF currently and a Serbian wrecking ball. Oh Paraguay scares most teams as well, however Serbia wins the group and Honduras find a way to sneak through on goal differential again. Unfortunately they can't thank Johnny Bornstein this time.

Chamo: Disregard everything Biggy wrote, this is a walk in the park for the Three Lions. Yes, Serbia is a good squad, and Honduras looked decent, but England tore apart the US squad, the same US squad that stumbled terribly in Honduras and still won, therefore England take this without even flinching. I was fortunate enough to see Paraguay play in 2006 in Germany, and while it was a fun match to watch and it has been four years, I sure hope I don't draw one of their games again.

Biggy: Another group where the seeded team is in real trouble. Denmark smashed fools. Bad. They defend extremely well, and ping the ball around very nicely. A surprise Chile team is the group surprise, as they win the group and Germany Japan and the Danes battle it out. A final day win for Denmark over Germany sends them through.

Chamo: Biggy is on this huge upset tear here, and its utter crap. Germany is not struggling, and will dispose of Japan and Chile easily, while the Danes stutter a bit after their impressive qualification, but stumble in behind the Germans to go on to the round of 16.

Biggy: A blessing and a curse, the fact that I drew this group now means it probably won't happen for real Friday. Still a tough group even with the hosts, the Netherlands runs riot on SA and Uruguay but runs into a beastly US team, where a one one draw gives each enough points to go through, US in second.

Chamo: Biggy in dreamland yet again. Sure South Africa is a bit of a blessing, but any team at home, especially in the vuvuzela environment, is difficult. The Dutch will have no problems here, but the US struggle against a powerful Uruguayan squad and stumble out yet again.

Biggy: D is for Death. Death is what is done to Portugal. Ghana can't get away from the group of death, but this time they can't get out of it either as the Aussies golden age of soccer makes one final run toward World Cup glory. Brazil manages to show up enough, holding back their last gears for the knockouts.

Chamo: If anything as remotely disgusting as this group actually does occur, I hope I hold tickets to at least one of the matches. Brazil will survive, but the second spot will be up for grabs, as all three of the remaining teams have found a great stride and have played impressive football leading up to SA.

Biggy: Espana thumps all here, as they are the class of the tournament and def this group. Slovakia gets it done as well, as a draw with Algeria costs Mexico ever so badly. Can't always land the easy group there Mexico can ya?

Chamo: A weaker group in terms of Spain's point of view, the Spaniards should run into very little resistance gaining top spot here. Slovakia is a on and off team, as is Mexico, so second spot goes to one of those squads, mainly whoever decided to perform against their opposing competition.

Biggy: F is for France, but also for Fate. Call it more then a feeling, but a disorganized French side struggles with each of these teams and watches as Slovenia wins the group and Nigeria joins them as a potent knockout foe for any team.

Chamo: France just keep getting lucky. I hope since this happened in a fake draw (and one where they were seeded, which we recently found out they are NOT) it will not repeat itself tomorrow morning. Nigeria claim second spot with some impressive displays.

Biggy: Italy looked to have bagged the best group from the start, but a dynamic Ivory Coast side and a well organized South Korean squad ensure that just like the Confed Cup, Italy goes home early.

Chamo: This group is much more dangerous than it looks. Ivory Coast is terrifying, especially with Drogba's current form, and Greece is always around for a surprise or two (hello Euro 2004). IC claims top spot, while Italy squeezes by into the second position.

Biggy: Dear Argentina, get luckier. One of the only groups that actually gives them a shot to get out, they and the Swiss finagle their ways into the 16ball.

Chamo: This, in my opinion, is the weakest of the groups. New Zealand only have a chance if they do a Haka before every match, but given that they are much smaller than their rugby counterparts I still feel it will be less than intimidating. Switzerland and Argentina have a field day.